That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He passed out mid-signature
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
