let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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