is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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