Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
