i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
