Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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