someone owes me an orgasm
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
