i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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