you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize