shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
