I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
please don't ironically join a cult
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