Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize