So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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