Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
