Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I could make wine with my vomit
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize