Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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