I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
