i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
