I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
