i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
