You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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