So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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