Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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