It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
