yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Be still, my beating vagina.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
