What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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