it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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