Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
