I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
