so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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