I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
