Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
