I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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