I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
