1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
