She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
