I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
