i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
