We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
