i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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