i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
