but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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