Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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