so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Are we in a gay sports bar?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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