he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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