I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
