you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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