in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
