grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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