feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
