This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
