If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
