Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
