She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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