If i come over, it means nothing
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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