and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
