Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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