We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
