Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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