It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
