Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My cat gives me a boner
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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