Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
