Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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