I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
