I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
