The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
