I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
