Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize