There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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