I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
