the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
