It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
