you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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