meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
