He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
