We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
