Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
