Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
