Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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