if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
