Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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