There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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