hell yes lets make some ravioli
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
