a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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