Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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