ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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