Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
