mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
