i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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