you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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