I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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