I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
