i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize