dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
