Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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