i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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