I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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