Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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