I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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