so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
