When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
