hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
