And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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