i'm signing you up for texting rehab
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
