he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
