can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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