i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
