did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
