My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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