Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
there was a trapeze. enough said
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
