By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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