I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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