honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize