oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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