God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
